Modern Villagers

Lately there’s a phrase that keeps appearing online and in conversations about friendship and community:

“Everyone wants a village, but nobody wants to be a villager.”

People usually say it half jokingly, but it points to something real within culture.

Belonging isn't something we stumble into without contribution. Your village might be out there, waiting for your contribution. 

A village represents something comforting; a network of people who show up for one another who share life’s burdens and celebrate the good moments. It’s the idea that when things fall apart, you won’t be facing it alone.

Over the past few decades, the social fabric that once made these kinds of connections easier has shifted. Many people live further away from extended family, move cities more frequently and work longer or more irregular hours.

The COVID-19 pandemic intensified this sense of separation, normalising a level of social isolation that many people are still recovering from. For long periods of time, connection was replaced with distance, screens and self-contained routines.

Because of this, many of us are now trying to rebuild something that used to happen more naturally: community.

Being a villager involves the quieter, often unglamorous work of caring for other people over time. It means showing up, again and again, in ways that are sometimes small and sometimes inconvenient. Doing this social 'burden,' is not only important for the health of your social relationships, studies describe it is imperative to your health. 

Interestingly, many modern conversations about wellbeing still focus heavily on individual forms of self-care: going to therapy, taking a bath, watching a movie alone to recharge. These practices can certainly be helpful and restorative. But they represent only one dimension of care.

Sometimes the most meaningful form of self-care involve other people entirely. Sitting around a table sharing a meal, talking late into the evening, laughing with friends and family or simply being present in someone else’s company.

One of the most well-known examples comes from the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest running longitudinal studies ever conducted. Researchers followed participants for more than eighty years, examining the factors that contributed to health, happiness and life satisfaction over time.

The conclusion that emerged again and again was surprisingly simple. The strongest predictor of long-term wellbeing was not wealth, career success or social status. It was the quality of people’s relationships (Waldinger & Schulz, 2023).

Other research has echoed similar findings. A large meta-analysis examining social relationships and mortality found that people with stronger social connections had significantly better health outcomes and longer life expectancy. In contrast, loneliness and social isolation were associated with increased mortality risk comparable to established risk factors such as smoking (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2015).

Evidence of the importance of community also appears in research on the world’s “Blue Zones” regions where people consistently live longer than average. Places such as Okinawa in Japan, Sardinia in Italy and Ikaria in Greece are often discussed in relation to diet or physical activity, but researchers studying these populations repeatedly highlight the role of strong social networks, multigenerational support and frequent communal gatherings (Buettner, 2012).

Longevity in these communities is not simply about lifestyle habits. It is also about belonging and contributing to your community. 

Here are some ideas from Femme HQ to be villager in everyday life: 

• a glass of wine together after a long day at work

• supporting someone through grief or heartbreak

• supporting someone through a big life transition

• helping someone move house

• going to the party even when you’re tired because your friend asked you to be there

• exercising together or going for a walk

• going to events or classes where you can meet people with shared interests

• regular catch-up rituals like taco Tuesdays

• inviting a friend on a mundane errand so you can talk

• remembering someone’s favourite snack at the shop and bringing it to them

If we want villages in our lives, we have to be willing to help build them.

Love Femme HQ <3 

 

Buettner, D. (2012). The Blue Zones: 9 lessons for living longer from the people who’ve lived the longest (2nd ed.). National Geographic Society.

Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., Baker, M., Harris, T., & Stephenson, D. (2015). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: A meta-analytic review. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 10(2), 227–237. 

Waldinger, R. J., & Schulz, M. S. (2023). The good life: Lessons from the world’s longest scientific study of happiness. Simon & Schuster.